For the woman in the middle of every photo

You have been stitching this family together my whole life, mostly where nobody could see. This is me finally looking.

Scroll slowly and follow the thread

Mom at the beach as a younger woman, wet hair, laughing cheek to cheek with her two boys.
Salt in our hair and you right in the middle of us. Wherever we went, you made sure we felt at home.
A night selfie under the trees. Mom in a red and black embroidered dress, smiling, next to her son in a black jacket.
That smile. I have spent my life trying to earn it, and you hand it to me for free.
Selfie in the hallway. The son grins with a half-eaten banana while Mom laughs behind him in her coat, standing on one leg.
Still in your coat, one foot off the ground, and you stopped for me anyway. You always stop for us.
Mom and son on a bridge in Istanbul, her head resting on him, a mosque on the hill behind them.The same bridge a moment later, leaning into each other under a big cloudy sky.
Istanbul. You rested your head on my shoulder as if I had carried you there. It was always the other way round.
Four family members in caps posing in a mirror selfie, with Mom smiling in the middle.
All of us in one mirror, and you in the middle. That is where you have always been.
Mom in sunglasses and a patterned skirt standing beside her tall, curly-haired son at home.Mom hugging her son tightly, her head on his shoulder, both of them smiling big.
I grew taller than you. I never grew out of this.

The stitches nobody saw

Mom, I don't know the full list of what you gave up for us. I think you made sure of that.

You learned to say you were fine. You learned to say you weren't hungry, and that it was no trouble at all. We believed you, because you are very good at it.

I'm old enough now to see some of what it cost. So this is for the part I can see, and for all the rest I never will.

  • For staying up so we could sleep.
  • For eating last.
  • For the worries you carried so we wouldn't have to.
  • For the things you wanted and quietly put off.
  • For every time you were tired and got up anyway.

Everything good in me has your stitching in it. How I treat people, how I laugh, how I keep going when it gets hard. I learned all of it by watching you.

You never asked for a thank you, which is exactly why you're getting one. I'll spend my life trying to give some of it back.

Your son, who loves you

I love you, Mom.

شكرًا يا أمّي

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